There is so much left to say –
Nothing in fact.
You wanted me to caress you.
3am. I am not sure I dreamt or was already awoke.
4am. I am now in touch with reality again.
I am just not sure whether it is my own existence or just a mere representation of a fantasy.
There was hope – a sense of something greater than could have ever been visible.
Then it all disappeared.
Only sourness has left.
Only distance.
Only unspoken words have remained.
A man can give anything and everything for a touch.
But we shall continue in-between bridges that never really connect two shores.
The way you looked at me..
After all the cheating that was done by the World on me.
After all despair and sleepless nights I had to go through.
After all skipped heartbeats at night.
After eternality was promised to both me and you.
After I asked for a 5 minute talk while standing in the middle of an empty and cold street.
After desperation became my way of doing things.
After it became clear that nothing will work.
After it was realised that LOVE is subjective.
After a pint was empty.
After Spring never really delivered and Summer ran away, and Autumn does not care.
After no music sounded like a sound anymore.
After there was you.
After there was us.
After it was all apart.
After my shoelaces got undone.
After I finally prayed for something divine.
After I admitted how wrong I am.
After it all started to make sense.
After fog became more welcome than clear skies.
After all of it – I found myself in disbelief that nothing superior is there.
After all I did – I am at the start.
Apparently, I was going in circles.
Apparently, it was all pointless.
Apparently, there is a mechanism in place.
A scheme for imposed order.
Undeniable patterns constantly emerge – not to broken by any of us.
Definitions became blurry
Values got revoked
Love is lost
Lovers are forbidden
After abiding by all rules possible
Not even a single provision yet
Not even your tears
Not even this
Have never made me stop wondering
Where have I been all this time?
What would have happened if all of this never took place?
What comes after two are separated?
Will they meet again since they are now travelling around the circle in opposite directions?
Will they clash then?
When they finally meet, will they hug each other or will they explode?
Will they become one or zero, or maybe two?
Will they smile to each other?
Will they finally manage sadness?
Will they be together?
After all of my doubts and questions
Disobeying paradigms
I am still alive in my metal thoughts.
And I still look at you.
The Essex Writers Circle 