A boy stands in front of a house, situated next to a motorway separated by a fence. Cars roar past and dust can be seen to be filtering through the fence. The boy stands with a huge backpack on, looking up at the house with a grin on his face.
(A phone beeps and the boy looks at it)
Blink:Oh fuck off.
He puts the phone back in his pocket then walks purposefully towards the front door until he reaches it at which point he pauses.
(Muttering to himself)
Blink: Ok. It’s alright. They’re just like you. Just students. Just be cool, and act cool, and… erm… yeah. They’ll like me. ‘Course they will.
He knocks on the door sharply first, then three or four softer knocks follow. After a few minutes of waiting he knocks again, louder, this time it’s answered almost immediately.
Rose: Touch that door again and I’ll ram that fist up your arse so you can work yourself like a puppet. Comprende?
Blink: Er. Hi. I’m er, Blink?
Rose: Kind of name is Blink?!
Blink: Oh, oh yeah I mean John, yeah I e-mailed as John.
(Rose’s whole demeanour changes, she becomes much warmer and more relaxed)
Rose: Ohh! John! I am so sorry, I thought you were another one of Connor’s druggy friends, you have to admit, you have got the look of one right?
Rose: LIAM GET DOWN THE STAIRS NOW YOU FAT LAZY GIT! Come in, come in! We haven’t got carpet downstairs so don’t worry about shoes.
Blink: Yeah ok…
Blink walks into the hall and looks around, the wallpaper is coming off in the corners and there are coffee mugs dotted everywhere.
Blink: What’s with all the mugs?
Rose: (said quickly) What mugs? I don’t see any mugs? Do you see mugs? Nope not at all, not even here! Ok go in there.
As Rose says this she moves towards Blink and collects several of the mugs, hiding others and trying to block his view. As she gets right in front of him she stares at him for a few seconds, then points to the room next to him.
Int. Living Room
He goes into the room to see a bare room with similar wallpaper to the hall and the same wooden floor. 5 beanbags are dotted around the room which is dominated by a huge TV on the opposite wall. Blink notices another boy sat in one of the beanbags playing a game on the TV.
Blink: Hey, I’m here to rent a room?
Connor: But you’ve always had a room here?….
(Dramatic and spooky build up music plays as the camera zooms in to Blink’s face)
Blink: (whispered) What did you say?…
Connor: (turning around) Oh sorry mate, thought you were Liam. Yeah you’ve not got a room. That’d be weiiiird…
(Connor returns to game for a few seconds as the camera returns to Blink who releases his tension, then goes back to Connor)
Connor: Hang on did you say you were here for a roo-?
(Connor immediately stops and whimpers as he looks at Rose, who’s looking at him wide eyed, then returns to his game hurriedly)
Rose: Thaaaaat’s right boy.
Blink looks worriedly at Rose for a second.
Rose is sat at the kitchen table (which is littered with more mugs) with Blink sat opposite. Rose takes a sip of the coffee in her mug then shudders.
Rose: Sweet Zeus that’s good coffee *gasp* Ohh padre forgive me I have sinned!
She continues the make remarks like this as she sips. Blink sits and stares at her with a confused expression on his face, looking at Rose then the mug, then Rose again. Liam enters from behind unbeknownst to Blink.
Liam: Yeahhhh… She has a real problem with coffee.
Rose: IT’S NOT A PROBLEM SHUT UP!
(She moves to a corner of the kitchen and sits on the worktop, still sipping, but quietly mumbling to herself now)
Liam: (whispering as he takes Rose’s vacated seat) It is a BIG problem. (His voice returns to normal volume) So… You, want to rent the room.
Blink: Yeah I think it’d be great to live here and I think-
Liam: Apopopopopa! That, still remains to be seen, my young apprentice…
Blink: Was that a Star Wars quote?
Liam: Yes it was. But you knew it was so, a point your way. That is how we will be dealing with you and your application. Like the many before you-
Rose: (interrupting) You’re the first one.
Liam: But there will be more!
Rose: First one in 7 months.
Liam: (turning to Rose) Could you just not? Like… seriously? M’kay?
(Liam sighs and turns back around, seeming to steel himself again)
Liam: Ok.(camera zooms into his eyes) It’s time.(back to mid shot, pans right to left from behind Blink) You’ll be subjected to no fewer than one hundred of the most gruelling room-mate questions this earth has ever seen. (similar pan from behind Liam) You will be probed like no alien could ever probe you. You will be subjected to more difficult questions than pointless.
Rose: (interrupting again) Great show.
Liam: I know right?! *cough* Anyway. (wide shot of both Liam and Blink sat opposite sides of the table) You, who wish to become numero tres, in our house of aweso- hang on. Is that a Biffy Clyro t-shirt?
Blink: Yeah they’re like my favourite band.
Liam: (slightly suppresses squeal of delight) Do you erm.. perhaps… dabble? In a musical instrument of sorts? Maybe? (this gets higher pitched as he says it)
Blink: Yeah I rock bass. (cut to close up of his mouth) I rock it good.
Liam: (mouth open) YES YOU’VE GOT IT YOU’VE GOT THE ROOM WELCOME ABOARD!!
(In the background Rose had been nodding when Liam had been giving Blink his speech, but now slaps her face into her palm.)
Cuts to Int. Living Room
(Liam kicks the door open and Connor turns around.)
Liam: Connor. We have a new house-mate. (Connor looks unimpressed.) And he plays bass.
Connor: Well that’s interesting. (he turns back to the TV and puts a cigarette in his mouth. He lights it) That’s very interesting…
End Scene 2.